RSMRonda (rsmronda) wrote,
RSMRonda
rsmronda

I'm going to miss my friends at college

It really hit me today.  I actually almost wish I wasn't graduating.  I finally have a load of friends to hang out with.  And of course, I'm leaving.  I'll probably be friendless for several years before I can manage to meet more cool people out there in the "real world".  It wouldn't be so bad if I managed well, but I don't function well alone for too long.  I can see it now and it scares me to death.  I'll get really depressed.  I'll start avoiding social situations.  And I'll likely start to lose my confidence and who I am.  It's all over then.  I don't think I could handle being severely depressed again.  I don't want to go through it all over again.  But I'll try my best to keep my head up and not let it all drag me down, of course.  And hopefully, I'll make it turn out much better than I imagine it now.

Wow, talk about bad timing for "Yer Blues" to come on iTunes... skip!! LOL!!  That was cruel.... anyway...

The night before last, two friends and I had a "bedtime stories" night in my dorm.  We were basically discussing experiences or lack there of for people like me.  I swear, the straight-laced ones always manage to surprise me when they talk about certain... activities.  I must emphasize that these are in their past, not current.  It's just too funny coming from certain people.  And frankly, it's more incentive for me.  I've decided that I'm going to live life and try some new things... as safely as possible.  As they say, you only live once.  I just wish I wasn't starting so late in the game.  My friend tells me I'm going to come with them to do some Hookah next week, so I guess that'll be the start of the experimentation.  Baby steps!  I'm sure that'll be an interesting story for this journal, LOL. 

Last night we had a little movie night.  Eleven of us crammed into a dorm watching Sydney White on a laptop, LOL.  It was really fun and the movie was great.  Gosh, there are so many of us.  You see there are two large groups.  I kind of separate them like, my roomie and her group of friends, and then there's my suitemate and her group of friends.  They come together at times.  Mostly smaller groups form between the two.  Such an interesting lot of people... mostly girls of course, since male and female dorms are seperated here and guys are outnumbered here in a big way.  For the most part, we only have one guy in our group.  He finds me amusing for some reason.  Yeah yeah, don't get any ideas.  I don't have the equipment he's interested in, LOL.  Since last semester he came up with this thing for me.  Everytime he see me he says, "Ronda alert!!"  It makes me laugh every time and I see him everywhere on campus, so I get it a lot, LOL.  This group....there are people I'm friends with that I wouldn't have imagined enjoying the company of.  It's been cool that way.  I'm apparently a lot more flexible and accepting than I gave myself credit for.  I only get a tiny bit uncomfortable when religious talk starts, because I feel like a total outsider on that.  I just hope no one asks me what I really think about it and so far no one has, LOL.  Some of them have probably seen on my Facebook that I'm agnostic on the whole God subject and lean towards atheism.

Today, I went with a few friends here in the dorms who are looking for an apartment, so they can get off campus next semester.  Although, their parents may very well prevent them from moving off campus.  Ugh, overprotective parents.  There's no way I can stay in St. Augustine; there are no jobs.  I just went with them to offer advice and have their company.  It was fun, but also sad.  I wish I was here for another semester and could live with them off campus.

*sigh*  I won't have anyone to have lunch and dinner with.  I love how our group is so large that the longest table set up in the dinning hall doesn't have enough chairs to accommodate us, LOL.  We end up stealing chairs from other tables and cram everyone at our table between chairs and at the corners of the table  I used to think that such large groups of friends weren't appealing to me, but these people are great fun every day.  To be honest, I don't talk much.  I don't have the same interests.  I'm such a boring person.  And a lot of my thoughts aren't ones that would get great reception.  Dare I say, I'm too strange for some of them, LOL.  So I hold back.  I mean really, I'm a total weirdo by comparison.  I love watching the news; I adore a newsman; I think the most beautiful people aren't typical celebrities; I'm romantically attracted to men and women with wrinkles, grey hairs, and non-hollywood figures; I don't enjoy brand named purses and clothing;  I'm a total technology geek; I love sci-fi movies; and I enjoy discussing subjects that usually older people are more interested in... YET, I don't fit in with older people either because I'm too young to them.  I'm in limbo.  But our group of peeps seem to all like me, despite my occasional social awkwardness when I do speak.

I'm just really going to miss my friends.
Tags: confidence, downs, flagler college, friends, fun
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